Pistasch cookies

Granma utsedd to make great pistasch cookies. No one has never dared to try and make them until this year.

My mom tried and almost succeeded! 

Overworked

Today I hit my limit. Not sure if it was because I started to relax. You know there is only so many hours left until you go on holiday or if it was that there is just to much happening at work and the events of today was just the nail in the coffin. I didn't just break down once, but twice within in a fifteen minute range.

I ended up sitting in a colleagues office crying my eyes out and knowing that I had to stay and attend an important meeting was not on the top of my list. How I managed to keep my eyes dry the rest of the day I don't know, but I did somehow.

I will know enjoy 2 weeks holiday and then work for a day until I have another 4 days off before spring semester starts.

Lets recharge the batteries.

Nelly Wishlist

 New gymclothes and workout gear is on my wishlist this year.

Sleep

2.5 years and I can sleep. 

Correction wake up and feel relaxed. I don't have to jump out if bed straightaway and I feel calm. 

The verdict at the doctors

I have just met the nicest and sweetest doctor at the local emergency centre. He was nice, polite, listened and even cracked some jokes.
I felt that he cared and took me serious. Ok ok my condition might have been quite serious to, but still I felt cared for.

The diagnosis is eyeflimmer migraine (think its called this in english), but they can't be sure. I have now been given som medication and ordered rest for the rest of the day. Should there be any change in how I feel I have to go to the ER straight away without hesitation.

Stroke test

its a wierd day today. During Yoga class i sort of felt loopsided, like my left side wasn't fully with me.

I can home from the gym after Yoga and running with the same feeling, had a shower, made lunch and was going to sit by the computer.

Suddenly I can't see all the keys on the keyboard, my right arm appears from the middle of now where when I'm picking up my teacup and I'm struggeling in reading whats on the computer screen.

I called 1177 & they did a stroketest over the phone where I had to look into a mirror and answer some questions.

I got an emergency appointment this afternoon just to check up that there is noting serious going on.

Right now I can see all the keys on the keyboard and I can read and watch telly at the same time without flimmering in the perfori of my right eye.

Feeling a little shaky to say the least right now. Many thoughts have speed through my head since I realized I couldn't see the computerscrenn properly.

Amazing friends

I have just realized that even though I sometimes feel that my friends have moved on. They have a life and that i'm stuck in the middle they are amazing.

How they stuck by my side as my world was trembling, I dont know if they are aware how much they mean to me!

The story of my life

It turns out that the guy that I have been talking too when training both swimming and running. Well he has a girlfriend!!


How is this possible, I have lost count in the amount of guys that start talking to me I think they are interested and then the girlfriend word pops up!

Sports bra addiction part 2

As I have mentioned before I seem to have aquired a sports bra addiction. Or to be fair a sports clothes addiction. But back to the sports bra's.

I have felt quite happy with my 3 new sports bras and my other 2 existing ones. Until I browsed Nelly.com the other day and found that they had my favorite stay in place sports bra back in stock. I have found out that this model is not made anymore. Guess who just added another sports bra to her collection.

Yes you are right me. But this model is also the model that I use during all my races (now I have 2 to swap between). One pink and a brand new tight black one.

Glossybox

In June I cancelled my subscription on Glossybox because I was moving, I had grown tired of them and had to much stuff in my drawers.

Today I feel for the promoton of getting 3 boxes at a reduced price. Lets see how long this subscription will lats.....

When you least expect it

So there is this guy that apperently doesn't use Facebook, but likes to flirt with me when we train together. I have felt a little panicky since the running sessions ended. Until I headed to the swimming pool and literally bumbled into him in the fast lane.

From this training session I have figured out that he is interested but that we are both equally shy (him less than me thank god). Now I can't wait until next time I go swimming......

Housewarming

I'm not know as the party planner with my friends and when only 2 of your friends have the ability to make it it doesn't really encourage me to throw more parties. 

We had a lovely evening with great food, laughter and ended up at the local nightclub. 

It turned out great, but wasn't really the night I planned for....

When?!

I get toungetied when I try and talk to a guy I'm interested in. But honestly this is just ridiculous! We actually try to talk and someone step right into the conversation and I loose my ability to speak yet again.

I had one small mission and that was to try to get a date or number out if you. Instead I lost count (I think you did too) over the amount if times we were interrupted!!!

When will it ever  be possible to get a date out of you??

Raise your voice

Its funny how you sometimes meet the right person at the right thime, or the person who knows the right person.

A couple of weeks ago I joined a new gym in the town where I know live. Why I decided on this gymis because you have "free" access to the swimming pool in your memebership. For my it means that I only have to tay one monthly fee for swimming and training (yes I'm going indoors for the winter season).

Its has all been good and for the last 3 weeks I have attended over 10 classes (ie I have spend some time at the gym), but I am so not happy with their service.

You don't feel welcome whenwalking through the door, there was no introductory information what so ever when I signed up (I had to ask the following day where I find womens lockerrooms AND where the room for dance classes are located).

This feeling that you are not welcome and that its only certain memebers you pay attention to have increased over the few weeks. I have actually considered trying out other gyms and paying the double fee for swimming and traning just to feel more welcome.

Today I talked to one of my collagues and she qas asking how I like my new town, if I had started training at a gymyet etc etc and I told her what I was feeling. Turns out her husband is head manager at this gym.

So it was decided that after danceclass today I will met him and tell him about how I see the service and be informed about what services the gym actually offers.

Sometimes its good to be a bit disapointed about things..

to be continued......

Saturday evening

Its saturday evening and I'm sitting by my computer applying for a job at a Zoo.

Yep some people are away on dinners other crayfish parties, but I'm applying for a new job.

TGIF

Friday is here that means I can sleep in tomorrow in my own bed at my own place :)

This friday has been celebrated with:

going home from work at noon
fixing in my bedroom
booking train tickets to Åre where I'm  celebrating New Years.
planning to go to a dance class at the gym

then we are hitting the couch with a chilled glas of wine......

Sports bra addiction

It all started in early July when I realized that my sports
bra I use for work at the aquarium had lost its shape. When I raised my arms it followed and you can imagine when you have a job with a lot of lifting, twisting, carrying, moving, jumping etc its not ultimate.

I decided to just get a new one for work in a cool colours since I had two good ones for when I work out. But after I bought I new one I realized that my other two were a little worn and Adidas by stella mcCartney had a really nice canary yelow that I have been droooling over quite a while.

I bought that one as well, and then I realized I need a new one with thinner straps and bought that one and then I found a black/grey one that I can use as a layer when using tops that have no back etc when working out.

So that is 4 sportsbras in 1 month (july-august) guess what I just found online......

Yes another cool sports bra (no I did not buy it).

Is there a rehab centre for sports bra addiction?

The big apple

In april I'm flying to New york to run the womens half marathon:

I am really excited over this decision.

Thursday luxury

I only worked a half day today. 

When I came home I walked downtown to by a thank you present and got my nails done. 

Going to try and keep these shellac nails in shape this fall.

Not quite yet

When I was flying home from Madagascar I felt at peace, a peace I have not felt for many many years. For the summer this feeling has been with me and I have loved almost every single second of my life.

Until last wednesday. I had a great run. THE BEST run in like forever.

When the euphoria ran over me and left my body I felt empty and alone and an anciety attack was over me.
I was so unprepared I felt naked walking down the hill to my new home.

Called some friends and no one picked up the phone, the loneliness grew worse.

Since then I have been ok, but there are grey shadows lurking in the horizon and I know that I need to change my pattern for it to go away.

I will get there somehow.....

Is it over?

The pain is gone the anxiety is not hovering just behind the next corner. 

I know it's not completely over I will fall and I will survive! I can make it I'm strong I survived 2011.

How I did that I do not know mending my heart, my soul, finding my life, finding me, surviving university and accepting life. 

That is what I have done done the 16th of march , 2011. 

I'm not out if the woods yet but right here right know future is looking optimistic. 

I sold my flat, bought a beautiful new one, have a job interview Monday, found out a second job might be available soon. 

Yes this means I'm not to far of leaving nowhere!!! 

I have found new routes met people that se happy with themselves learned what real poverty really is and seen that even in horrible conditions people are content and happy.

I'm to spoilt for my own well being!! 

Silver rings

In december I was with my mom shopping for christmas gifts. She was so happy because I actually wished for new earings in christmas gift. This thing with buying jewellery to me has been her achillesheel since I can remember.

With jewellery as with clothes I became quite picky in my teens (to say the least, this does not mean I had style in my teens) and there was a lot of fights over why I was not wearing some of the items I was given. I am also the kind of girl that accepts gifts and don't complain (to much). At one point I was given a silver necklace form my grandmam that I remeber at that point saying this is a guys chain and being told that this is not the case. I hated that chain (still do) but shut up and wore it a couple of times to please. Years and years later I was asked why I never wore that chain or if I had lost it and I said the same thing its a guy chain.

This never ending fight and me inheriting quite alot of jewellery resulted in me and my mother coming to an agreement that she is not allowed to buy and jewellery unless I specifically ask for it. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. No Ihave not been able to point and say I want this, but I have been able to request whay type of jewellery I want (silver or gold this is, not fake cheap stuff).

Ohwell christmas it was looking at earringsI fell in love with thise clawring, not a basic everyday earing that I wished for. Anyhow today when I was downtown looking for new cool compressionsocks to wear when running Göteborgsvarvet in 2 weeks I stepped into Guldfynd to  have a look. And to my luck the clawring was on 50% sale. Guess who was happy leaving that store. Walking home i took a new route due to a running competition in town and saw that the antiqueshop was open. I stepped in to have a look at the paintings. I left the shop with two silver rings, a plain simple one from 1920 and a more elaborate from 1930.

I realized when I got home that these are my first silver rings I have bought since high school. I have been given three rings since. A silver ring from A for my bachelors of Science graduation, a gold ring I designed myself for my double bachelors and inherited my Daisy duck ring from grandma. Other than that I have bought one fake ring since high school.

Home styling

On wednesday a photagrapher is coming to my place to photograph it. No its not for a magazine (as if that ever would happen) I am actually going to put iton the market. Its time for that move that I have been pestering my friends and family about for the last ehm 24 (36) months.

To say that I have a lot of stuff and a lot of junk floating around is also an understatement. My question of today is how much crap can one person accumulate over a 6 year period???

Spring shoe shopping

I'm in desperate need of new spring shoes. All of my previous seasons shoes have ended up in the bin or are in the extreme short list for the bin (ie they are totally worn out I just have to accept it).

This weekend Freeport in kungsbacka had a shoe weekend. Give one pair to charity and get a voucher worth 150 sek to buy a new pair with.

I found a gorgeous pair of from vagabond and then I managed to fill the bikini quota for 2013. Beach 2013 I am ready!!!

Oh and a hot pink bra and a loosefit simple dress for madagascar also tagged along home.

My mom also managed to find some things.

Relax

I am currently enjoying my parents backyard in the fullest. This summer they are moving into town and into an apartment.

Photo taken yesterday, but this is my plan for today inbetween the run and packing.

Chocolatechipcookie dough sandwich chocolatechipcookie

Yes that is what I made to tonight. Am currently on a sugar high....

Vaccination part 2

Tyfoid this time.
Swallow a tablet with a glass of cold water 1h before eating. Repeat this procedure day 1, 3 & 5.

Wow oral vaccinations really involves structures and planning (45 min to go until breakfast can be served)

Shopping in France

A couple of weeks ago I went to France, Bretange for work. Will tell you more about that shortly.

On saturday we did some sighseeing in the area and had time for some shopping and cake.
Don't they look delicious??

at first I found nothing except a scarf. I forgot mine at the school and it was cold not having something around your neck. SO I bought a new one.

Then I walked into a store and if I had had the money the store would have been emptied by me, I totally fell in love with 90% of all the items.
Settled for two things.

A white blouse and a t-shirt with angels wings.

Renovations

So over easter I did some renovations in my apartment. The entrance got a facelift with some new wallpapers on the walls.

This is how it looks like now.

A little bit of shopping

Having spent the weekend in Linköping I am now all relaxed with fully charged batteries, a new haircut and colour + new items in my wardrobe.

My friend M found out on friday that she got the PhD position she had applied for and we needed to celebrate. Friday was not an option since I had a 25th birthday party to attend and she is currently in an ICLD (insanely low calorie diet).
Yesterday I had a 3 hr hairdressers appointment and after that a hangover to cure. Instead we decided to go shopping today and not for gymclothes.

The only thing I needed were basic items like eye make up remover, ankle socks and a new eye primer.

 
I found those items and:

  2 necklases on sale

 a cute singlet almost for free (ok ok I am planning to run hot summer days in this)

a shirt that had my name on it. Its monkeys and Tucans on it!!

A scarf - see above argument!

Dip dye

The downside of colouring your hair in unnatural colors. Your neck may turn a little blue....

Compressor

After a fall on the ice in the woods last week during a run. My wound I substained in my hand is not healing well. Have now decided to try a compede bandaid on it. This to try and avoid more dirty coming inside it.

Shot one

Let the oral vaccination session begin.
First on the agenda: ducoral - cholera vaccination

Next: tyfoid - that is for next week for a five day period.

After 6 weeks ducoral shot two

Then 10 week malaria, will eat these during our trip to.

My hands my hands

I do not know what I have done. But they hurt and sting!

Qoute

"You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way." - Elizabeth Taylor 

 

Anciety

I have lived for so long now with the presure over my heart and the uncertanty over when my next anciety will attack will show up, that I now don't even now how do deal with prefection.

With perfection I mean waking up and everything feels great, going for a run that also feels awsome, having breakfast good even that. My whole body feels like its in euphoria mode.

Yes Spring is finally here it is Euphoria!!

But what do I do? I start to look forthe signs, what is wrong, isn't there somedark cloud howering in the horizon of my mind. There must be something it feels wrong.

Nothing has happened for me to feel like this I should feel the misery, the panic, the anciety.

Not Happy and Calm!

Or hang on that is Exactly how I should feel and what I feel right here right now!!

Stop and enjoy it god damn it!!