sacrifises

2010 I left my life as it was in Sweden to move to Australia to study. I left love in Sweden actually when I left I had two different guys in my life. The weeks moving up towards the move was all cheery and I didn't look back when I left.

At this time I didn't even really reflect over love and being single. I was getting an adventure of my life in Australia. Why would I ever say no to that for a guy? I have never looked back and never regretted my choices I made then.

2002/2003 I fell in love with another guy, but he was never available for me since I chickened out when he was single. I went home to Sweden and when I came back he had found a girl. It just wasn't meant to be and even though I sometimes wonder what might have happened if I had had more curage I still accept the outcome.

Since then love has bin a part of my life, but unfortunately also alot of heartache where I have had to stick, glue, scotchteip, amputate parts of my heart. For three years I have healed it back together letting rest after the lastest heartbreak. No that guy was not Mr Right but I think he is one of those that hurt me the most with all the dishonesty and twotiming.

Now 2011 I have been given an oportunity of a lifetime to go to Mexico for 4 months to study primates in their real environment (the rainforest). I have also been on 3 of the best dates in my life since march (no no high speed dating here). For some reason I can't be happy that I'm going away. To much have happened in my life since march that I don't know what is up or down anymore.

Mood swings

From nowhere I hit the bottom. Feeling all alone hating my life as it is.

I know I know I should be all happy and cheery going shortly to Mexico for 4 months, dating an awsome guy. But after my run I felt so lonely and just hating how things are right now.

Got a message friends where telling me they were going out for a drink, due to the distance there is no way I could have joined them. BUt it all made me feel so lonely and hating all the evenings I sit at home.

I know that its just me and if I want to change it I can only do it myself. But how?? I have awsome friends, but it seeems like I only meet people that don't really enjoy the good times. The few that do already have their awsome lives and I have to fight to be in them (that is what I feel like).

Oh well fingerscrossed that 4 months in Mexico will change me to become the person that I long to be again. Ohh How I miss my Australian life right now.

10 reasons to go to Australia in september

1. I need to buy a new car
2. My TV is showing signs of old age (its from 1991)
3. I'm sick of my job and need a change Immediately
4. I'm turning 30 in august
   
5. Need the long summer season, can't stand that there is still snow around and its may
6. Only one cat left
7. All my winterboots are leaking
   
8. Have not been scubadiving since 2005
9. Wonder how my skin looks like when it has a tan
10. Face your fears
    

Scotland

Scotland I miss you!
It has bin two years since and now I'm feeling that if I can't get my Australian fix this summer I can settle for my european Australia (scotland in my mind).

Australia

As you might have noticed I have bin quite quiet about Australia lately.

No I have not given up hope (not yet), but I have to be realistic and as long as my studentloan repayment looks like this (yearly in SEK) there is little chance that I can save up what I need in my current position.
Yes I could:

• stop shopping,
• studying at uni
  
• working out at the gym
• could move to the town where I work
• stop being social
• get rid of my cats
  

There are many thigns that I could do, but the thing is it would take me at least 365 days to get what I need to be able to dare to make that move.

reason:

1. No matter what my studentloand need to be paid every year, that means I have to have at least a year worth saved up for that
2. When I find a job and actually managed to settle overseas my yearly amount that need to be repaid will increase by 2% in total 6% of my total income (I now pay 4% before tax)
3. I'm scared to be standing there not being able to afford food or rent

so yhea what is holding me back is the fright of my student loan will kill me by its load!

its a catch 22: I'm depressed that I'm still stuck in this bloody country, but donät know how to be able to afford the move

Brain hurts

So much to think about and a big decision to make:

Afrika in the fall or move to Australia in july?

will give a pro and con list of the two kontinents as they move along.

How?

I found my heart, my meaning & future the other night!

(Wow that sounds like I fell madly in love) BUT I did, whit and Australian accent, it reminded me about home & what my soul has missed these last years. I just didn't wanna leave the bar, with the awsome (not) australian pub mix music, shots and the bartender. From australia with that dangerous smile, but most of all the accent.

How have I managed this long without hearing it everyday?!

If I ....

Won a million dollars now...

I would book a ticket to Dubai to go party for a week with my friend and then I would move on down under.

Would come back in january to finish my unidegree and then say bye bye to Sweden for a while.

But I haven't won a million dollars so instead I'm turning every penny at the moment to put as much as possible into my savngs accounts for the future.

Reason 44

If I would have bin in Australia know I could have gone on the boat with my dear friend that does her phd on dolphins to see this in real life instead of having to drowl over the pictures on facebook:

photo:Ina A

Its my Birthday

Its my Birthday......

Lets party and have some fun!!

Oh hang on its monday I have work, gym and all my friends are busy with their lives...

Days like this make me miss I & M & A & & & & ok ok

I Miss AUSTRALIA like hell!!

As I said before

Only timtams!!

Reason no 46

I say one word:

Timtams!!

Reason no 47

Sweden do not sell chockolate chips is all grocery stores so that I can make chocolate chip cookies (okok Iknow eat 50% of the dough while making)

study study study

sun is shining outside

I'm, stuck inside finishing off my essay,

but all I can thin off is my trip to Dubai! Can't really get it into my head that I'm actually flying to Dubai tommorrow already. Its going to be so fun to see A again. Haven't seen her since I was in Australia 2006.

I do wish that this was just a stop over and that I was heading over to Australia from there, but no I have to go back home to study some more. But the more we do know in the summer when both are on holiday. Less time need to be spend on it this fall when we have a shitload of work and other commitments to deal with. And yhea my friend I'm writing the paper with have a one yearold daughter (she will have her hands full)

Crap car

Just got a €2000 bill on it.

Bye bye australian airplane ticket. Hello new frontweels feathering, bults, stuff and shit. & and hello new back breaks I do like you....

Please can you just hold your shit together now for another year or so.

Reason no 48

Its June we are in Sweden ie the NORTHERN hemisphere and here it should be summer. Why do I find out today that two days ago it snowed less than 50km from where I live?!!

In Australia in can accept snowflakes at this time of the year, but in SWEDEN!

Come on I was loving the sun this weekend, even got a bit sunburned remember...

Studentloan

Aa lot of fmy friends are always chcocked that I rarely have any money and by mid month I'm usually staggering living like a unistudent when it comes to eating and right before payday I'm leaningo ut the cupboards.

The thing is that yhea I have a job that pays a decent amount and my rent isn't that bad for a big 2bedroom place. Yhea I have some other bills that need to shrink: like cellphone, gas and shopping account.

But although compared with other people and their lives these bills are not that bad. What kills me is the repayments on my student loan. Don't take me wrong. I don't regret spending all that money on my degree and am willing to spend the same amount again if it gets me were I want in the end.

But as it is rirght now I'm spening almost as much for rent each month as I am paying of my loan. When I lived in my studio apartment I was paying more on my student loan than. Rent, electricity, internettvphone, insurance each month.
I know I know this is a choice I made & will have to live with for another 22 years until its all paid off. What sucks even more is that the more money I make at work, the more they increase my repayments.

I have bin considering getting an extra job a couple of days a month just for my loan repayment. But have realized that in the end I will just get a higher repayment on the loan for next year.

currently I'm paing 4% of my yearlysalary towards my loan. The day I move back overseas I will have to start repaying 6% of my yearly salary. But honestly, I still think I'll have more money than what I have know....

Sunday

I thought this bad spot, time part of my life would easen up that the EXTREME homesickness I have for Australia would lighten. I never ever lets go!

Some times it hurts so bad as it does now that I don't even know what to do with myself. I just want to jump on a plane and never look back. Many are annoyed at me why I can't let go and what is really so AMAZNG about Australia.
Yhea I know it has its flaws, but that is my home, I never had that bad homesickness for sweden durirng my 5 years in Ausralia that I have everyday that I'm here.

I'm planing to go in July but have one more kink to starighten before I can go......

Back at work

I'm at work and well at the moment life sucks.
I have no energy to work, no energy to study. Generally no energy at all

except missing and loning for Australia!!

Its getting worse each day and I now that I need to get that ticket booked, but there seems to be so many small things in the way for me to be able to do that. At the moment most of them have cleared out, only one more obsacle to go and then ....

Reason no 50

I had to wear longjohns and knitted scarf mid April!

I should be wearing skirt and a thin jumper