March 17th

7 years ago I sat in a waiting room at the hospital unsure of what the future would hold for me. My dad was in surgery, my best friend took a day of work to keep me company and I was in uni following my dream, I had met what I thought was the love of my life.

1 year ago I sat in a lecture hall listening to my friends disputation. I spoke to my dad earlier in the day, spoke to my new love of my life and everything was going smoothly.

Today I sit at home healing. I spoke to my friend and family this week. I'm trying to heal my heart after the love of my life left me in December, I'm also trying to heal my brain and body after I ran into the famous wall in December. 

I have learned that life is more rough than smooth and that in bad times you need to find the good bits, even if it's just a bar of chocolate right then. 

I think the tears have run out.

I know why

I know how

But I still don't understand.

I don't feel like we are finished,

I feel like you never gave US a chance.

I fought for you when things were impossible 

I carried your burden when you wanted to give up

I stood by smiled on the outside and screamed on the inside.

I was there for you ALWAYS.

But you

Gave you

You took my support for granted

You took everything

At the same time 

You were my rock

My oxygen

My lifeline 

And then you let go

I thought I was strong enough to fight 

To continue to fight 

To always say "I'll fix it"

That was me

Miss fix it!

Now I'm lost without you.

Some days I miss you and the pain is unreal.

Other days I'm strong and living.

But I still don't get it 

What happened?!

I thought I had found HIM <3