Saturday, April 7

The healing roller coaster

Yesterday was raw, emotional and insightful 

I ran into my college that I haven't spoken to or seen since she walked home from work in September. I felt naked, shaken, but also happy to see her. How she felt I can't even imagine, but I think we both had many demons fighting during those minutes. 

Afterwards I got over productive and got things done I have been supposed to do for a long long time. My brain was running thoughts going everywhere and all my friends were at work so I couldn't talk it off until my brain had run through everything. 

During my yoga and meditation in the afternoon I had so many new insights about myself. There was struggles but mainly acceptance. Clarity!

At the gym in the evening I was stronger than I have been in a long long time. My brain was empty and it was just me, the movements and the tabata bell. 
Afterwards there was physical pain, but good pain, pain telling me I had used my body in a good way. 

Yesterday there was so many steps taken on my road of healing. I know I have to let it take its time but now I also know what I need to work with.

Myself!!

Saturday, March 17

March 17th

7 years ago I sat in a waiting room at the hospital unsure of what the future would hold for me. My dad was in surgery, my best friend took a day of work to keep me company and I was in uni following my dream, I had met what I thought was the love of my life.

1 year ago I sat in a lecture hall listening to my friends disputation. I spoke to my dad earlier in the day, spoke to my new love of my life and everything was going smoothly.

Today I sit at home healing. I spoke to my friend and family this week. I'm trying to heal my heart after the love of my life left me in December, I'm also trying to heal my brain and body after I ran into the famous wall in December. 

I have learned that life is more rough than smooth and that in bad times you need to find the good bits, even if it's just a bar of chocolate right then. 


Friday, March 2



I think the tears have run out.
I know why
I know how

But I still don't understand.
I don't feel like we are finished,
I feel like you never gave US a chance.

I fought for you when things were impossible 
I carried your burden when you wanted to give up
I stood by smiled on the outside and screamed on the inside.
I was there for you ALWAYS.

But you
Gave you
You took my support for granted
You took everything

At the same time 
You were my rock
My oxygen
My lifeline 

And then you let go
I thought I was strong enough to fight 
To continue to fight 
To always say "I'll fix it"

That was me

Miss fix it!

Now I'm lost without you.

Some days I miss you and the pain is unreal.
Other days I'm strong and living.

But I still don't get it 

What happened?!


I thought I had found HIM <3

Saturday, February 24

I do it for ME

I choose my old yoga mat and I didn't know why. 
I decided to do yoga for 30 days.
I lit a candle in my lantern to lead.
I stood on the mat and couldn't feel my left foot.
I stood there broken, damaged, lost.
For 30 days.


After 30 days I was still broken, lost and damaged.
I did this for ME.
30 days on the yoga mat for me.

The 30 days ended, but I continued.

Everyday I stood on my yoga mat for ME.
After 40 days I started to cry on the mat.
Tears of relief, pain and lost.
I crumbled but the yoga mat supported me.

My old yoga mat is now full with tears, pain, loss and sorrow.
But I know why I choose you "old faithful"
One day we will come to an end and you will leave. 
When you leave you will take the tears, pain, loss, damage and sorrow with you.
I need you to heal.
To move on.
To stand strong.

I stand on the yoga mat every day for ME.
ME the one that I lost.
ME that I need to find.
ME that need to heal.
ME that need to let go.
ME!


The time on the mat I give ME!
To be strong
To be free
To feel
To live 

Right now to breathe.
Breathe in
Breathe out.

Saturday, April 8

It doesn't happen

I went to sleep a Friday night and wake up  in the morning all innocent. Check my phone and there are flashes about the attacks in Paris.

I have friends in Paris. They have checked themselves safe on Facebook.

.......

I stand in class and check my work email. The latest read:

Xx with family is safe! Safe from what?!
Check the news and read about the bombings in Brussels. 


.....

Yesterday I read: I'm safe
Then I listen on the radio. 
She was safe, but in the middle of it. My best friend!
It's getting real!

We all new on day, but not today.
Yesterday was today!

Two of my closest friends were close. One in the middle, the other to close to comfort!

What we can do is open our hearts and pray for peace and love.
Hate won't solve it, but openness and acceptance will in the long run.

The world is dark, but only we can bring the light with love.


Wednesday, February 10

Anticipation

Its all new its all nerves and its all the game.

Just sent the text asking what is happening this weekend.

Hoping for a certain reply, but right now its the waiting.



The Dating game I'm all in, but do I want more than just dating with this one?

Wednesday, September 3

Dilemma

Some people struggle of how to get ends to meet. 

I struggle with being able to have a voice in certain aspects of my life. At the moment I'm pushed into a corner and either choice will not be the optimal one for all people involved. It affects me negatively mentally either choice I make, the question is how to get out of this mess that was caused for me by another person?

Saturday, June 14

Todays positive

Ok so I have forgotten som days. Lets do a longer list then.

Thursday
1) have spent an entire day with a great freind with no disturbance like kids or other people
2) Got to cuddle with both kittens and puppies on the same day
3) Got to sleep in

 Friday

4) Lovely after work with colleagues
5) Took the train to work and walked in the sun along the channel
6) Ran into a friend and had time to catch a lunch with her

Saturday
7) Sleept like a teenager
8) A good friend called me and gave som great news
9) relaxed and let my body recover

5 glasses of wine = headache from Hell

The stress that has surrounded me lately with not enough water and early start on the after work.

I got the bill today. The headache was outof this world. We are talking all day in bed with a cool cloth on my forehead.

Wednesday, June 11

Todays positive

1) Learned some new functions in the student platform
2) Talked to a good friend on the phone
3) Did yoga

Compliments

The new Yoga instructor thinks I look fit!

He also praised my in holding the positions.

He is hot, what are the odds that he is also single?

Tuesday, June 10

Today's positive

1) had a killer workout
2) sun was shining
3) accomplished the impossible at work. Got a new teachingroom

Monday, June 9

Today's positive

1) sat in the sun and read a book
2) vacuumed the entire flat
3) bought a birthday gift 

Saturday, June 7

Todays 3 positive

1) I did my laundry
2) Did my rehab traing for the 5th day in a row
3) Had a bag of candy for dessert

Tv series marathon

Lately I have gotten back to both reading and watching Tv-shows non-stop.

The Tv shows I have become especially attached to are:

Make it or break it




Why did they have to cancel the show?

Mr Selfridge


Evrybody likes a costume drama

Orange is the new black

You are telling me I have to wait an entire year until season 3 is out?

Friday, June 6

Todays 3 positive

On facebook there has been this thing floating around where you nominate friends and then they have to write 3 positive things in their life for the next 7 days (and ofcourse nominate three new friends each day).

I sort of liked this one (not the nomination part) and think that I should continue this habit. At first I thought about buying a little notebook, but  then I decided to put it here on the blog instead (hey it might kick it back into life).

1) Helped friends move into their brand spanking new house
2) I got to sleep in
3) I'm happy I have a job that pay me enough that I can afford a pizza on a random night.

Friday, May 30

Dogsitting

This long weekend I'm dogsitting my friends dog. I have the best company. She likes to sleep, cuddle and eat. 


It is a little scary though to stay in an apartment with random noises suddenly occurring, but it's getting better.



Going for a walk/run s the most boring thing in the world though. Hence we are in a bit of disagreement at the moment. 

 

Thursday, May 1

BBC top 100 must read 2014

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11. Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulk
18. Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch – George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
24. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
27. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Caroll
30. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34. Emma -Jane Austen
35. Persuasion – Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh – A.A. Milne
41. Animal Farm – George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50. Atonement – Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52. Dune – Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66. On the Road – Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72. Dracula – Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses – James Joyce
76. The Inferno – Dante
77. Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal – Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession – AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery (In French)
93. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94. Watership Down – Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Read more at http://www.rantlifestyle.com/2014/02/15/bbcs-top-100-books-need-read-die/#3o07B1VFSSd4pdtu.99

Tuesday, April 22

Crossing the line

I have a colleague that has decided to become my pimp or something. A couple of weeks ago she tried to match me up with a new colleague that I'm no to fond of. 

Yesterday she felt to inform me to watch a tv-show where they are presenting the new characters for a dating program. I'm sorry but the characters or the option of dating on TV is not me.

Actually I prefer to mind my dating business with my friends not colleagues!


Saturday, April 19

Easter on the westcoast of Sweden



From NYC to westcoast of Sweden.

Recovering my body and recharging my batteries....