Sometimes the fasade crackle

Its quite amazing. So often I get to hear how strong i am that I can handle being single without panicking and stressing in findig mr right.

Yhea I know for a while I had fun with many mr not right or ok ok mr you are never gonna be mr right I'm just using you for the moment.

But sometimes I crack and feel so lonely and depressed that I'll never going to meet anybody. My worst fear is that I'll be one of those desperate single women at 40 that no one wanna know of.
I also know that until the day I'm prepared to settle down I'm not likely to meet anybody. But settle down where I am at the moment that is imposible. I would go insane quiet fast and most likely be even more depressed than what I am at the moment.

I also now that this phase will go over, the only thing i need is to go out at catch up with friends in areas where there are lots of other people. Maybe I'll be lucky and have a guy flirt with me. That gets me through the rough pathches and I'll be back to happy single me that has the best friends in the world and colleagues (even though they are busy with their family and partners alot days of the year) I don't know how I would survive without you guys.

Most days at work I can just forget my single self and just be me as a teacher and colleague, same in stable. But occasionally I want someone to share my life with both ups and downs.