Sometimes the doctors are actually correct about the cottontop and ear thing.

Yesterday morning (thursday) my ear were really itchy after my latest allergy burst out. I get itchy in my face around my ears and inside my ears. I did as I normally do (as you recommended not to do) took a cottontop and put it in my ear, not far in or anything like that.

Pulled it out and only held a purple stick. The cottontop part was stuck inside my ear. Let me tell you these are the times you actually realize how lonely it is to live all alone. I had to wait until I get to work and found someone that I feel comfortable with to ask if they could get a pair of tweezers and pull it out. They could not, it was harder than I anticipated.

I actually had to call the doctors to get an ampointment for today.

Today it also started to hurt a little, but headed to the doctors place and was taken care of by a nurse, that had to get the doctor, because it was harder than she anticipated.

Its now out..

my ear is still itchy.....

The verdict at the doctors

I have just met the nicest and sweetest doctor at the local emergency centre. He was nice, polite, listened and even cracked some jokes.
I felt that he cared and took me serious. Ok ok my condition might have been quite serious to, but still I felt cared for.

The diagnosis is eyeflimmer migraine (think its called this in english), but they can't be sure. I have now been given som medication and ordered rest for the rest of the day. Should there be any change in how I feel I have to go to the ER straight away without hesitation.

Stroke test

its a wierd day today. During Yoga class i sort of felt loopsided, like my left side wasn't fully with me.

I can home from the gym after Yoga and running with the same feeling, had a shower, made lunch and was going to sit by the computer.

Suddenly I can't see all the keys on the keyboard, my right arm appears from the middle of now where when I'm picking up my teacup and I'm struggeling in reading whats on the computer screen.

I called 1177 & they did a stroketest over the phone where I had to look into a mirror and answer some questions.

I got an emergency appointment this afternoon just to check up that there is noting serious going on.

Right now I can see all the keys on the keyboard and I can read and watch telly at the same time without flimmering in the perfori of my right eye.

Feeling a little shaky to say the least right now. Many thoughts have speed through my head since I realized I couldn't see the computerscrenn properly.

Not quite yet

When I was flying home from Madagascar I felt at peace, a peace I have not felt for many many years. For the summer this feeling has been with me and I have loved almost every single second of my life.

Until last wednesday. I had a great run. THE BEST run in like forever.

When the euphoria ran over me and left my body I felt empty and alone and an anciety attack was over me.
I was so unprepared I felt naked walking down the hill to my new home.

Called some friends and no one picked up the phone, the loneliness grew worse.

Since then I have been ok, but there are grey shadows lurking in the horizon and I know that I need to change my pattern for it to go away.

I will get there somehow.....

Compressor

After a fall on the ice in the woods last week during a run. My wound I substained in my hand is not healing well. Have now decided to try a compede bandaid on it. This to try and avoid more dirty coming inside it.

My hands my hands

I do not know what I have done. But they hurt and sting!

Anciety

I have lived for so long now with the presure over my heart and the uncertanty over when my next anciety will attack will show up, that I now don't even now how do deal with prefection.

With perfection I mean waking up and everything feels great, going for a run that also feels awsome, having breakfast good even that. My whole body feels like its in euphoria mode.

Yes Spring is finally here it is Euphoria!!

But what do I do? I start to look forthe signs, what is wrong, isn't there somedark cloud howering in the horizon of my mind. There must be something it feels wrong.

Nothing has happened for me to feel like this I should feel the misery, the panic, the anciety.

Not Happy and Calm!

Or hang on that is Exactly how I should feel and what I feel right here right now!!

Stop and enjoy it god damn it!!

Patience

That is apperently what I need now.

Can I pleae get that prescirbed?

Inspiration

I don't know why, but I seem to have lost my inspiration to blog. To write in general.

I still get anciety attacks even though I now can handle them a little better, but they are still there and drive me insane (I hate having them).

Sleep

Sleep is clearly something that my body thinks is overrated!!

LAst night I was exhausted, but when I finally made it to bed sleep were no where in sight until about 3.30 am this morning

....

While waiting fot the next step of your life to happen,

Have an anciety attack or five...

Not happening

I finally finally have started eating again.

Me and S cooked pizza tonight, I made a baby sized one. Now I am sitting here fighting to keep it down. I am so nauseous its not even funny right now

New beginnings

I hope today is the day when change is in the air and I soon start so see life from the bright side again.

Lately I have bin walking in a shaky cardhouse that has slowly bin crumbeling. The last couple of days this feeling was accelarating downward.

Fingerscrossed now

Öland all over

Same same, but different.

It is to take one day at a time, one obstacle at a time.

I have long way back though

Good days and bad days

So I was planning to go to Veracruz today to do some diving. Woke up this morning and only saw problems and no solutions.

So I decided to stay at home and continue my sampling.

Also I am not sure if I would leave here now, when/if I would come back...

3 months

It has now been over 3 months since I went through the worst day of my life!

I have not fully dealth with the chock since that day, have had some smaller depressions, but I know that when my life sort of settles down/ slows down it will come.
I just hope that when that day arrives I have some good friends to pick up the pieces of me.

Sanitation

I am wonder when I will ever feel clean again. I mean really fresh and clean like you tend to feel when leaving a shower.

Here that feeling lasts as long as the water in the shower is running down your body. As soon as you leave the shower you are yet again covered with dust.

Dad is finally home from the hospital. Now I just have to get rid of this cold so that I can travel home to see him.

Your worst nightmare

Occasionally you hear on the radio the traffic controller announcing a warning that an ambulance is in a rush from A to B usually two different hospitals or cities. Last thursday I heard that announcement on the radio that there was an emergent ambulance transport in city X between hospital A and B. A couple of minutes later I find out that my dad has just been rushed between Hospital A and B. Inside that ambulance was my dad! He is alive thanks to the guardian angel that watched over him on St Patrics day. If he hadn't been were he were they would not have been able to save him. Thankfully he was in the right city at the right time.

Aorta replecement

That is my research this thursday evening